Saint Louis Journal

For those of us that have been to St. Louis Billiken basketball games we all know that even with this killer year they just had sometimes the atmosphere is dry and the Chafeitz needs more energy. Yea its nice when Dr Chafeitz fists pumps and takes a couple of steps towards midcourt during the game with his little midget buddy but we need more. So the Saint Louis Journal being at the forefront of the community and the voice of the people has decided to push for a change that would begin to counteract this problem. That change is bringing in All-World, Jack Of All Trades Mark J Zinn as the public address announcer.

Who is Mark Zinn? Well, he is the Executive Producer and Host at Mondays in Midtown on SLU-TV where he has majestically interviewed such celebrities as Chris Hansen, Mike Roberts and Raja. He is also the Founder and Managing Editor at Storm Alert Weather Team STL, has won a Screen Actors Guild award, is a scratch golfer and volunteers umpiring. He has been announcing basketball games at Seven Holy Founders for years and is an expert on enunciation and articulation, a true professional and will not call players by the wrong names, i.e. Guy Phillips. Yea Guy, Dwight Evans is not on the team, his fucking name is Dwayne for God’s sake. There is no doubt that one day he will be the greatest thing our town has seen on the nightly news since Trish Brown as we like to describe his style as the cross breed of Tim Ezell, Zip Rzeppa and Dick Ford. So before his career rises to that level we need to take advantage of the opportunity of him wanting to be the Billiken’s PA announcer.

So in order to get this movement some legs we need to hit twitter and use the power of social media get our voice out there. Use the hastag #ZinnForAnnouncer and tweet at everyone who matters like @SLU_Billikens, @BKunderman, @The_Billiken, @stlbj, @tomtimm, @EvansDwayne21 and @BWeixScout. Change is what the people want so that is what the people must get. #ZinnForAnnouncer in 2012.

When you are in college sometimes you find yourself asking that a lot when you are intoxicated.  There are some vital questions we should ask ourselves whilst pulling out and being intoxicated at the same time.  For instance, where do I shoot him?  Do I aim for her lower carriage?  Her stomach?  Her breasts?  Or her face?  I like to ask before hand to be polite but I also like to just aim for the face Ron Jeremy style.  It’s quite hilarious when their face squints up and sometimes I just can’t help but to laugh.  Well on this day, God himself got me back.  Saying that, I am going to share with you an embarrassing yet true story about myself.

It all started when I was enrolled to the illustrious Southeast Missouri State or SEMO if you wish.  I was dating this fine young lassie.  We had relations all the time.  It was great.  We were having hot, sweaty, drunken funky sex when it came time to ask myself… “to pull out, or not to pull out?”  I chose to pull out and I swear to this day it was the wrong decision.  Well to justify this, I was intoxicated and we were in the missionary position (insert boos here) and I was about to MacGruber all over the place I chose to pull out and aim for the face.  Well I pulled out, and I aimed up and I shot him headed right for the face but since I was drunk I aimed way to high and my boys hit ME in the bottom of the chin and ricocheted up to my nose.

To this day, I will never, ever, ever aim for a woman’s face again because of the pure frightening fact that it will happen again.  Let this be a lesson to all and to all a good night.

-Henry

The Saint Louis Journal recently caught up with a sensational airwave personality in Larry Nickel (@nick2995), who is a big fan of The Rock and has been a fan of rasslin’ “since he was a little baby”.  We wanted his thoughts on the state of the WWE and the big upcoming PPV event in St. Louis.  Larry’s favorite rasslers include CM Punk, John Cena, Undertaker, and St. Louis’ own Randy Orton.  However, he is most excited to see Rey Mysterio, who is most widely known for his assortment of masks he wears into the ring honoring his family and his Mexican heritage.  One thing we could not disagree with him on is his all-time favorite WWE Diva, who is none other than Sunny, the original WWE Diva.

Check out what Larry thinks of the Undertaker’s chances of going 20-0 in Wrestlemania history and his thoughts on WWE performance enhancing drug tests in the soundbyte below.

Every Tuesday morning you can tune into AM 590 to catch Larry’s Wrestling Recap on The ITD Morning After show.  The Saint Louis Journal gives Larry 2 thumbs up and an early 2012 favorite as Guest of the Year.

Finally………FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO THE WWE. After a half-decade hiatus from wrestling, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is back in the WWE and it couldn’t come at a better time, a time in which kids are running around acting like that f’n goober John Cena. C’mon you can’t tell you haven’t thought, “What has this turned into? Where is Stone Cold? Where is The Rock? Where are all those characters that revolutionized the WWF in the late 90’s?” “How about Triple H, even though no one liked him even when he tried to be a good guy, where is he?” He’s still there, weathering the storm like Steven Jackson and tenure with the Rams except the WWE is bigger than ever and the Rams are…well, not. Back to The Rock, when he parted ways from the WWE back in 2004, it seemed like it was about that time for the “most electrifying man in sports entertainment.” The WWF became the WWE and the bigger stars were slowly getting out of the business that flourished in the late 90’s on into the beginning of the 21st century. It was time for the charismatic People’s Champion to take his talents to the big screen.

The Rock tapped into a market that he couldn’t have dreamed of 15 years prior when was layin’ the smacketh down on the college gridiron leading the Miami Hurricanes to a National Championship in ’91. Now he was on pace to be the “next Arnold” in action thrillers starring in movies like The Scorpion King, The Rundown, and Walking Tall, announcing his presence with authority. This guy is a serious badass! First, national champion, next exploding on the wrestling scene, and then exploding like Peter North on the big screen, what could possibly be next for this guy??? Well, the “next Arnold” quickly turned into “next Vin Deisel” after a few Pacifier-esque Disney busts at the box office.

In 2010, The Rock sunk about as quickly as a rock can sink when he starred in the Tooth Fairy. This guy was the ultimate guy, a badass who turned his size 14 boot sideways and shoved it up bad guys’ candy asses and now he’s skating around on ice in a fuckin tutu, literally. We all remember when Hulk Hogan went down this road in Mr. Nanny. The internationally conglomerate that is World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. has to have a superstar tutu movie limit set at 1, a limit they’ve exceeded by 100%. The future that seemed so bright was starting to lose its luster because we all knew The Rock was one box office bust away from a straight-to-DVD-movie that you’d find in the discount bin at Wal-Mart on its opening weekend.

The Rock then had a revelation and its all thanks to Bishop DuBourg High School graduate Jack Dorsey and his online program known to many as TWITTER. 1.7 million followers later, The Rock is now the most electrifying man in tweeting entertainment. All of a sudden his career and done a complete 180 and he’s back at it in the WWE dropping the People’s Elbow

on schedule as he did during the glory days. It just feels so much better to watch The Rock stomp a mudhole in all these jabronies, demonstrating what it takes to be a true entertainer not just some meathead acting like a f’n doofus in front of the millions….and millions of WWE fans. It’s hysterically conventional that he now uses the WWE as a stage to promote his Twitter account @THEROCK. It’s who he is, and I dig it. Naturally, most of his tweets conclude with “#bootstoasses”, and even at recent events the entire crowd is not chanting “Rocky, Rocky, Rocky” they’re chanting “Boots to Asses, Boots to Asses….”

We all knew The Rock would be back one day; it was just a matter of when. After his college career he went on for a short stint in the Canadian Football League before he was cut and left with $7 in his pocket and the world in front of him. He then turned to his roots, what was in his blood, wrestling. Upon his next low in life following the Tooth Fairy it was only fitting that he once again turned to wrestling. Now he’s back in business raking in fist over fist in cash with Fast Five and one can only guess how big GI Joe: Retaliation is going to be.

WWE PPV Royal Rumble Live from St. Louis January 29th.  Stay tuned for tickets.

Many of you great Americans participated in the CBS drinking game with us recently for the SEC title game courtesy of Clay Travis and outkickthecoverage.com

Though we don’t have Uncle Verne or Gary on the call for this one….or better yet Gus Johnson this still should add excitement to the first three quarters before Tebow Time.  In case you have lived under a rock the last 8 weeks Tebow doesn’t try until the fourth quarter.  It only makes it fair to the other team.

Well this week the Broncos meet the vaunted New England Patriots.  Can Tebow pull of the magic again?

1.  Any time the announcers say Tebow makes his team better or just wins football games, take a drink.

2.  If there is any mention of his great leadership, take a drink.

3.  Any mention of Urban Meyer, take a drink.

4.  Take five drinks if a Tebow commercial airs.

5.  Drink when there is any mention of Jesus or Tebow’s charitable work in the Phillipines.

6.  Any mention of his unorthodox throwing motion, take a drink. (This coud get out of hand)

7.  Reference to Brian Urlacher’s “He is a good RB” comment take a shot.

8.  Finish beer any time a Bronco player gets hurt and is then miraculously healed (assuming by Tebow).

9.  Any Tebow completion in the 1st 3 quarters, take a drink.  (Kind of joking but not)

10. If John Elway is seen clapping in fake support of Tebow, take a shot.

11. If any member of the Patriots Tebows finish that drink.

12. Any Tebow Jesus jersey sightings take a shot.

13. If there is any mention of Timmy performing circumcisions on Filipino boys chug all beer and liquor within ten square miles of you.

Please consult your doctor before participating in this game.

 Thoughts from Otis – Volume III

I’m not perfect, never claimed to be. The past 3+ months have been a shining example of this. On August 25^th, 2011, as my beloved Saint Louis Cardinals fell 9.5 games back of the Brewers in the NL Central and 10.5 games back of the Braves in the Wild Card, I made a decision. It’s a decision I’ve made in the past and, quite frankly, it’s one that I’ll likely make again. Just before midnight on what then seemed to be a hopeless Thursday night, I hit 4 on my speed-dial and was greeted after the first ring by an old friend who, for the sake of anonymity, I’ll call “Dirty D”.

Dirty D: “My man. What’s good?”
Otis:       “Rough night. Blog views are down and the BIRDS are killing me. I need a fix.”
Dirty D: “Say no more. I got what you need. How much?”
Otis:       “Give me a Spiezio.”
Dirty D: “Shit man, a Spiezio? Alright, same spot?”
Otis:       “Same spot.”
(hangup)

3 hours and $3200 later, my face was buried in 4 pounds of pure Columbian Bam Bam. It was snowing in August. My last memory from the night was frustratingly Google searching “SIUE Soccer Cheerleader Upskirt Shots” dozens of time with no success, not realizing that my search settings were still on “moderate”.  This was in fact my last memory. For the past 3 months I’ve been in a cocaine induced state of conscious – unconsciousness. Scouts honor, I don’t remember a thing. Much like a functioning alcoholic, I carried on day-to-day tasks blaming my continuous bloody nose on the changing weather and the punk kids with their hockey pucks and rap music who moved in next door. Yet during this 3 month Spiezio-like bender, my semi-professional journalism instincts remained sharp. Anyone that really knows Otis knows that I’m never without my notepad. By the grace of David Freese, I consistently scribbled down my day-to-day actions from the start of my late August binder until early this morning when I finally came to. Piece by piece, I’ve organized my notes. Please see below:

 Aug 30^th – Just got my finger bang on; insisted that everyone at The Olive Garden smell my hand. Really enjoyed the endless salad and breadsticks.

Sept 9^th – Saw Contagion staring Matt Damon. Does it make me a racist if I’m nervous anytime an Asian sneezes?

Sept 14^th – Jerked off without using my hands.

Sept 22^nd – Woke up naked, in fetal position, in the handicap stall at the Alton Belle casino after Cardinal’s blew a 4 run to the Mets in the 9^th inning. Fingers still smell.

Oct 10^th – Spent the night in a Milwaukee city jail. Officer Garcia handed me written report outlining a 14 step plan I had to murder Nyjer Morgan. Step 3 involved a fake marriage to the president’s niece. Step 14 had Nyjer’s girlfriend pregnant with my twins and me never to be heard from again.

Oct 27^th – Won a bet with my dry cleaning provider regarding Game 6 thrilling World Series win; resulted in me making love to an Indonesian ex circus performer. She was a tiger tamer in more ways than one.

Oct 28^th (a.m.)  – Woke up with horrific rash. Blood everywhere.

Oct 28^th (afternoon) – Purchased a milk gallon’s worth of Walgreen’s brand Icy-Hot. Wounds are healing, but not as fast as I’d like.

Oct 28^th (p.m.) – Will be naming my first born child David Freese.

Oct 31^st – Dressed up as Casey Anthony. I’d say reactions were mixed.

Nov 6^th – Regretting being a Boy Scout leader with Sandusky. In retrospect, truth or dare games seem inappropriate.

Nov 9^th – Most overlooked stat on Jo Pa’s career – he’s shrunk by 9 ½ inches during his 46 year tenure as head coach.

No doubt, I missed quite a bit, but I can’t say I regret my call to Dirty D. To sum up what I “missed” while taking a steady diet of key bumps over the past few months:

1. My hand still smells.
2. I killed Nyjer Morgan and could be under investigation for what happened with his girlfriend.
3. I don’t like eating Indonesian.
4. David Freese joins Matt Damon as one of the two guys I’d let Sandusky me.
5. 1996 was when cute child star from Jerry Maguire made debut. Sandusky’s MySpace page indicates this as one of his favorite movies. Two short years later, Sandusky starts his “1/8^th JoPa’s age boy-bruiser” crusade. Seems like a pretty big coincidence to this author. Seriously though, that guy is fucked up. Burn baby burn.   

Please share your comments, opinions, reactions, or any story you might have if I ran into you over the past few months. Talk to you in December.

 Otis, Out.

This is an outsiders view of the situation. I do not have all the factual information to back this up and it is merely my opinion but I think it holds weight. I thank the Saint Louis Journal for allowing me to express my opinion and express my extreme condolences to the victims.

First of all, Jerry Sandusky is a sick man who should die a long a painful death but not yet. I hope he doesn’t commit suicide and take the easy way out. I hope he goes to jail and gets his ass kicked and violated against his will before they finally kill him there. This situation would have never happened if this man was not a monster but that being said there are many other people in the wrong and they covered it up instead of stopping the situation. I do not know how McQueary and Paterno can sleep at night knowing that they allowed this to keep on happening and all the lives ruined as a result. I think McQueary did the right thing at first by going to Paterno and telling him what he saw, however after nothing happened he should have went to law enforcement. He was 28 years old and not some young naïve student, he was a man and should hold himself to a higher responsibility.  

I hold Joe Pa at an even higher standard. Yes, I always loved him as a coach and enjoyed seeing his old ass on the field but I think he has a lot of blame in this. He was the face of the University, he did what he wanted and what he says goes. In 2004, the school president and athletic director tried having him retire but he said no and they didn’t do anything about it, showing that he has all of the power. So when he received this news from McQueary, what did he do? He told the athletic director and legally that is all he probably has to do but as a man of so called honor and high morals he is responsible for putting a stop to this. Why tell some pussy AD about this when you are the most powerful man in that city? I don’t care if Sandusky was his best friend or even his fuckin boyfriend, you tell the cops and arrest this sick pervert because you know in your mind that nothing has happened to stop this and it is continuing. That is why I blame McQueary and even more so Joey Pa.

Why would the school cover it up or not want this man sent to prison? Because it is so much bigger than just Sandusky. I thought this for a few days but couldn’t figure out but then I saw the article http://www.businessinsider.com/jerry-sandusky-donors-2011-11 and I realized what happened. After the police found out about it back in the late 90s a lot of people were going to go down for this but the investigation takes a long time because this is an extremely sensitive subject involving a big time university and takes a lot of time digging up the evidence. Ever hear of another big organization covering up a similar crime? The catholic church anyone? Also, the people involved aren’t your regular Jeff and Carl who live in South St Louis and smoke a little doja. These are very wealthy donors in prominent positions who were affiliated with one of the most prestigious football programs that were molesting boys with Sandusky. The University couldn’t allow this to come out, they would lose money, recruits, credibility and be forever linked to these sexual assaults.

So what did they do to save face? They had the District Attorney wacked, took his hard drive which has all the evidence and disposed of it. I am not saying that a university employee actually killed the DA but at the least there are university employees that know what happened and who had it done. The DA was described as a quiet guy and was working this case alone, no one else would have the evidence and information to be able to charge these monsters. So after he was murdered it looked like this was no longer a problem and they had Sandusky retire in the wake of the cover up, but the thing about a small town is that people talk and a lot of them knew or heard about what happened. This was eventually going to get out with someone finally fed up and leaking it and that happened earlier this week. So what started with a sick man violating children, led to a cover up by a prominent university and the murder of the district attorney to protect prominent people and the integrity of the university. The next couple of weeks will led to even more disgusting information coming out as the media continues to dig up info, more people are going to down and this will be the biggest controversy since OJ, but these people aren’t going to get off. Well sorry PSU the heinous plan didn’t work and now you deserve everything that you have coming, simply sad and ridiculous.

 Do you agree, disagree, let us know how you feel in the comment box or reply to us on twitter

Once again we will be randomly choosing a Twitter follower to win game 2 World Series tickets!  Stay tuned for more information and tell your friends!

Please sound off in the comments or on Twitter (@stlouisjournal) for your World Series predictions and comments.

Memorial Day is one outstanding holiday, it signifies the freedom of America and the men who fight for this country. It is celebrated by a bunch of out of shape hoosiers with no sleeves receiving an extra day off to get really intoxicated to where they have a slight case of amnesia, BBQ too much, get hella sun burnt and do other hood rat things. But to me and the other people at SN it signifies the start of the summer dress code. For the men this means no more shirts and ties that strangle me because my neck must be expanding like a tree truck. For the women, well they can basically wear what they always do throughout the year, t-shirts, sweatpants, art smocks, with the addition of a couple more selections of shoes and capris. Most of the women here dress very nicely but there are a few who dress like they are going to bed. I’m talking about wearing pajamas, and I am not talking about the bad ass adult camo onezies, not even the old school plaid pants, I am talking about sweatpants and solid colored t-shirts with the neck stretched bigger than a sewer lid. Just not the right dress for a professional work environment. This outlandish attire caused an email putting this dazzling privilege was on the verge of being removed. This would be hurt me more than when Joey removed the Sloppy Joey or when NBA Live on PS1 was never returned. Below I will break down some of the points in the email.

Short skirts are also not appropriate“ Well this should be elaborated. I would preface this with “if you have kankles or “if you need a swoop brace but if you are if you are young, in shape and can rock a short skirt well then you should be encouraged to wear one.

Sleeveless shirts tend to look very casual so if you are wearing something sleeveless, it should be a very professional-looking top. Undergarments should not be visible on your shoulders. Common sense should be employed here“ Come on now, Memorial Day is all about no sleeves and it gets hot in the summer. Sun’s out Guns out is a phrase to live by and why can’t I wear a wife beater if there is a bigger lady who gets to wear a purple moo-moo? I always thought only pregnant women should wear maternity clothing.

Women’s tops should not be too low cut.  While this is also the fashion today it is not appropriate for the office,“ Now they are taking all of the fun away. What’s better than when a female with a low cut shirt is standing up and then bends down looking at some paperwork? Come on, you know that you are trying to sneak a peak, hoping to see part of a bologna pad, even if they are hilareolas (funny nips).

It should go without saying, but “your clothes should be clean and ironed (if necessary) and they should fit, too. Things that are very tight or way too loose cannot help but look sloppy. - Clean and ironed sure but thank the Lord they added make sure they aren’t very tight. I am not talking about good tight, I am talking about bad tight. Why would anyone want to wear pants 3 sizes too small that are so tight they squeeze their spine? Trust me it does not look good. But what is worse are the heels that are 2 sizes too small and the excess foot fat drapes over the side. It is gross but I just have to keep looking just like when a fat woman’s thong is hanging out.

For those of you who have signed up for jean Friday, please make an extra effort to look presentable, as jeans almost always dress down an outfit,“ I totally agree with this point but sometimes it is difficult. There is an employee here who doesn’t want to be named but went to a cardinals game, was overserved and long story short was shanked in the hand with a pen that caused a little bleeding. This up-and-comer woke up a couple minutes late and grabbed the jeans off the floor from the night before and wore them to work unbeknownst to him that there was a blood stain near the left pocket. So always check for stains on your clothes before dressing for work.

Any other dress code stories, criticism or comments are encouraged to be shared in the comments section.

Power to The People

-Arthur